school's been freaking crazy. can't believe that i'm feeling like dying so early in the quarter. actually it's not that early already, there're two mid-terms coming next week. freak!

my philosophy class has become very bashy. curiously, the most active pple in the entire class were two atheists. when the prof is presenting materials for religion, this other guy and me were relentlessly supporting prof's criticism of those theses, and when the prof is criticising materials against religion, we were the most engaged in bashing the prof. the religious rest, did nothing but sitting there and making one or two weak defense against the bashing. i wonder why they didn't passionately defend their belief system just like we do. or is it what i've heard before that they are not supposed to really work on anything but have faith in that god who will make things happen. but i'm utterly disappointed at the fact that the prof only spent less than 10 min on nietzsche's view on religion, and he even spelt his name wrongly. i thought he was an atheist! maybe i really can't tell, and he's just doing a fabulous job in disguising his own religious believes. this other guy in the class, is a very devoted atheist, who repeatedly states his belief system in front of the class. and he openly declared that the masses are stupid this morning. i find it risky a thing to do, because i got strong criticism on that before. nevertheless, this arrogant atheist guy has evidently been exposed to a lot of works on this topic, and makes sensible and well versed comments on almost everything gone through in the class. i wish i could express myself half as accurately.

that aside, it feels good to have a personal voice tutor, who not only knows my name, my major, but also my range, my sound, my preference for music. i feel so important suddenly. (bleagh. i shan't allow my ego to inflate any more.) she sounded really good, at the first lesson, when showing me the pieces that i could choose from. all italian pieces, which according to her, are like spinage for my voice. And she told me, the prof P really liked my voice, and as long as i worked hard and get involved in the projects P would pull me through. (this prof is really good. she could get what she wants out of pple with just a description or two, and the singer sounds instantly different. as if a tranformation.)this suddenly made me feel very guilty. I really don't know how much time or effort i could afford to put into the music department, with all my other commitments. same feeling when my postdoc told me that i shouldn't just look at publishing in a school journal. all is ealier said than done. maybe it's not a good idea to overload yourself from the start. i don't know. it's crap. and i'm tired.