packing always leads to surprises. found a message zhu wrote me on a purple piece of paper when we left singapore in 04. the flip side has ai yazawa's manga drawings. zhu put a quote in the message:

all existing things are born without a reason, prolongs itself out of weakness and dies out of chance.
-jean-paul sartre

and zhu said, we are prlonging ourselves out of weakness right now aren't we. i probably didn't give much thought to the quote at the time i received it. i was as ambitious as any student preparing to start a scientific career at a university. my life was full of purpose then, and i had nothing but confidence in me. 3 years later, i'm sure that confidence has withered a little. while i still don't think we are prolonging ourselves out of weakness, a sense of losing control of my own life did sort of creep in. maybe that's what happens when you grow old, when more and more things start to set and fewer and fewer possibilities are left for you to contemplate. maybe when i am at the age when sartre wrote the quote, i would think exactly the same things.

bb's favourite search engine

a couple of things i have been thinking about these days because i loaded my shuffle with all the music tagged "contemporary" from my library:

1. kieslowski should make movies out of kudera's books, and get arvo part to write the soundtrack.

2. the last 2 minutes of giger's tropus is haunting. the little violin voices layered at the back of the chorus sound like dead white winged creatures weeping. i want to say layered on top, but it really does sound like it occurs somewhere at the back of my mind. and the visual images i can't rid of are surprisingly the vampire maids from van helsin. that wasn't even that good a movie.

3. steve reich's after the war is brilliantly written. go listen for yourself. and his marimba pieces are just adorable.

4. i still think the poem i hide myself within my flower is very nice... (which eric whitacre set to music)


Emily Dickinson (1830–86). Complete Poems. 1924.

Part Three: Love

VII

I HIDE myself within my flower,
That wearing on your breast,
You, unsuspecting, wear me too—
And angels know the rest.

I hide myself within my flower,
That, fading from your vase,
You, unsuspecting, feel for me
Almost a loneliness.

fantacy of a pale sickly child. so lonely, yearning, with almost an erotic touch. and so clever. and reminds me of another one she wrote, from the same series.

XLVII

HEART, we will forget him!
You and I, to-night!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me, 5
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you’re lagging,
I may remember him!

first born smarter?

sciencemag seems to like this type of things, such as the index finger: ring finger ratio indicating maths ability and stuff that they posted some time back.

from the urban dictionary

Internet
A vast tundra of knowledge, now corrupted and slowly imploding on itself. Those caught on the outskirts enter a void of stupidity and insecurity. Eventually, it will completely cave in on itself, and then explode with such force, we will all be sent to an information oblivion. Random bits of intelligence will float amongst vast oceans of idiocy, and all of man kind will commit suicide in a futile effort to repent for creating such a weapon of mass destruction. God will not accept their sacrifice, and everyone will go to hell, where Satan will get pissed off at the extreme overpopulation of his facilities, and send everyone to someplace copletely unihabitable, like Utah.

digital immigrant
Someone who grew up before the digital age and is fairly new to the internet. Basically anyone over the age of 28.
YouTube is foreign to the digital immigrant.

BCG
Birth Control Glasses. Generally a military term which refers to the large, blocky glasses issued to military personnel who require the use of corrective lenses.

Man, these BCGs make me look like a complete idiot.

programmer's tan
The pasty white tan of a person who works over eighty hours a week and never gets any sun.

Bill's been doing a lot of hours lately -- he's really working on his programmer's tan.

Computer
a machine for downloading porn

"oh no, the computer broke, i ejaculated all over the keyboard"

generation y
children of boomers born from about generation from about 1977 to age old enough to remember 9/11.

gen y began with corporate watered down versions of gen x music (hip-hop and heavy metal,) after the shit load of that swedish music and boy band phase of the early gen y kids. For this many gen y kids have turned to their parents old albums from the 60's and 70's.

pampered by our boomer parents to do good and go far in life sociologists predict a backlash.

gen y has been said to be a clone of gen x, but there are notable differences.

gen y rewrites the rules and works around authority rather than go against it like gen x. This will lead us to get higher in corporations and better paying jobs that gen x was forced to do. Also gen y knows the impact of money.

early failures are that of SUV's fuck those gas guzzlers that kill the air. Hummers and are for ass holes.

blah blah blah we grow up and die
then fertilize the world

we were raised by grand theft auto!

google maps-street view

look at this!

i was hungry after setting up a couple of reactions this morning, so i went to the price center for a cup of cheap cocoa and a piece of marble cake. the cocoa was a little too hot for the season, so i dont think i will get it any more this year. therefore i was sitting in the open, sipping my cocoa on a sunny and breezy la jolla morning for the last time, listening to arvo part's lamentate. i'm sure part didn't intend his music this way, but whenever i am not feeling much or don't know what to feel, the music feels emotionless. the sparse piano sounds just fills the blank spaces between my equally sparse thoughts. but it's quiet, like a whisper. and i like that. so for a moment, everything was perfect, the breeze, the sun, the sweet cocoa, lubimov's fingers on the keys, the ambient noises making its way through the earphones, and those that were coming from my roaming brain. everything coming through different channels, nothing is blocking anything else. and all was harmonious.

blank

nature publishes mentoring guide. kids.. read this to identify good mentors.

一只强博。怎么以前没见过？

Gisele Bundchen

i was flipping through the latest vs catalogue (not sent to me) and i saw this woman:


she is HOT! there's something about her looks, which makes everyone else look like either bithes or country pumpkins. or little girls. goodness. i would rather quit my job if i had to compete with this woman..

(ok. i just googled. she is the highest-paid model alive. oh well... looks like my taste is quite mainstream :) )

boredom III

What American accent do you have? Your Result: Boston   You definitely have a Boston accent, even if you think you don't. Of course, that doesn't mean you are from the Boston area, you may also be from New Hampshire or Maine.
The West
The Midland
North Central
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The Inland North
The South
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

boredom II

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 80% Supergirl 72% Green Lantern 70% Superman 70% Catwoman 70% Wonder Woman 67% Iron Man 65% Robin 57% Hulk 55% The Flash 50% Batman 35%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

final week boredom

Your dating personality profile: Funny - You laugh often. People never accuse you of lacking a sense of humor. You don't take yourself too seriously. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Wealthy/Ambitious - You know what your goals are and you pursue them vigourously. Achieving success is important to you.

Your date match profile: Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart. Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Funny 2. Liberal 3. Wealthy/Ambitious 4. Big-Hearted 5. Adventurous 6. Intellectual 7. Outgoing 8. Practical 9. Romantic 10. Sensual

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Funny 2. Adventurous 3. Conservative 4. Big-Hearted 5. Wealthy/Ambitious 6. Outgoing 7. Practical 8. Sensual 9. Intellectual 10. Romantic

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

江湖写： 怀想作文 。当年我搜一首诗不幸落到他给他家千金写的博客上，又辗转到他写给自己的博客，结果成了每天必看的消遣专栏，到现在也看了一年多了。一只大强。

i have probably seen ig nobel prize before, or even blogged about it... but today my mentor was telling me about the mini-humans thing and it was damn funny.

江湖的新帖

妈妈打电话过来，我对着电话噼里啪啦乱叫了一通，才发现自己的生活多么混乱。其实只是这个礼拜混乱，因为课题终于要做完了，演出演了，课也都要上完了。专修也出来了，副修也出来了。本科终于要解决了，可以前进了。

我当然知道科研是不容易的，老妈。可是，即便对于失败有充分准备的人也难以逃避失败所带来的失望。不过，有准备与没有准备的区别在于，有准备的人分析造成失败的原因，承认自己的不足后就继续前进了。我是有备而来，所以属于败不馁型，而且经常以后发之才自居。没有什么可担心的。过两天就好了。：）

今天看别人的博客，看见一句话很好玩，说“衣服千万不能试，万一合适怎么办啊？”真是精辟。哈哈。

JOVE-journal of visualized experiments

finally the scientific community decided not to waste their humangous servers and internet2 connection, but to catch up with youtubers. here's an exciting new journal that presents video demonstrations of visualized experiments... i would've been able to do IVF on zebrafish if this was in place 1 1/2 years ago...

poster

the nightmarish poster session is finally over. as usual, i feel no relief after it, but a sense of emptiness, just like how i feel after all the exams i took. but this time, it's particularly depressing.

many months of work looks tiny on a poster. when people come along i say, "eh.. i made that fly.. yeah.. it didn't work" and i shrug like i just spent a fortnight doing it and it was nothing much. or, i point at some data and say "this looks like it could be working, potentially", and when my listener doesn't show much expression on his face i shrug again to show that i wasn't convinced either. or when i say "if it worked, it could be revolutionary!" and i witness that statement drop down dead on the cold hard floor in front of me...

i'm beyond the age when i could still say at the end of the day "but it was fun", or "it was the experience that counts". i'm at a place where i need to see something happen, or i'd start to doubt if i was cut for science at all. i only care about the results. yeah. i'm that pathetic.