poster

the nightmarish poster session is finally over. as usual, i feel no relief after it, but a sense of emptiness, just like how i feel after all the exams i took. but this time, it's particularly depressing.

many months of work looks tiny on a poster. when people come along i say, "eh.. i made that fly.. yeah.. it didn't work" and i shrug like i just spent a fortnight doing it and it was nothing much. or, i point at some data and say "this looks like it could be working, potentially", and when my listener doesn't show much expression on his face i shrug again to show that i wasn't convinced either. or when i say "if it worked, it could be revolutionary!" and i witness that statement drop down dead on the cold hard floor in front of me...

i'm beyond the age when i could still say at the end of the day "but it was fun", or "it was the experience that counts". i'm at a place where i need to see something happen, or i'd start to doubt if i was cut for science at all. i only care about the results. yeah. i'm that pathetic.